i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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