What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
