who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
