i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
