I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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