I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you never un-have a 4some
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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