everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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