As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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