The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
