that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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