I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
