Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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