i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
