The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
