what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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