We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
