You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
