Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
