Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
zippers are such a cool invention
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
