I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
