it wasn't lemon gatorade
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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