Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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