So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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