She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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