I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
