My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
