so let's talk penis.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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