Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
