I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
