Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
