Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
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