Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
