i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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