you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
