This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
