Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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