the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
