this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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