I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
