Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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