Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
