1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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