There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
