I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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