So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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