He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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