things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
