Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
