remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
