Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize