I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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