I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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