then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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