Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
