You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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