whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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