mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
