I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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